La vita è bella

I have learned over the passed couple of weeks my flaws. I have a plan to put people first, but in a way I’m going to take care of myself. I can multitask I know I have that skill. I can not imagine losing anyone because of how much of a head case I am by assuming things or treating certain people like they are a god. In my life from now on there is only one god for me. I have decided I’m going to try to attend church with my friend Carol as much as I can. I trust him. He has led me without me knowing because I was blind to see who was looking out for me. You were actually looking out for me all along. You healed me. I’m not going to deny it. Without you I wouldn’t of found Angela. Without her and your help I may not be here. I’ve never felt so at home. So relieved. I believe it’s time for some closure. To put the past away. Not forget it because without it I would not be the person I am today. I am forever thankful for everything and everyone that has been brought into my life. I could not imagine losing them. There for I have some life changes to make.

..how my thoughts have changed. Changed with from being so foul and negative to more upbeat and positive. I know I have said it so many times and try to prove it but I will thank you over and over. What you did, what you are still doing is something that only a person with such a big heart could do. I’ve tried to do what you did for me, for others and I can’t find the words.. the power.. the confidence. I couldn’t imagine how scared you were with that kind of pressure of not knowing the outcome. It takes real courage, love and trust to do that for someone.

I know you’re not going anywhere. We have been through a lot. I could never imagine losing you though. Not just because of what you have done for me but because of everything you are. You are real. You are a life long friend and I couldn’t imagine life with you not being apart of it. I couldn’t see it nor would I want that life that you were not apart of.

Most people type up these crazy posts and make people wonder if it’s about them. Maybe it’s her, maybe its someone else completely. I’m just gonna solve that problem for you because I will give this person full credit even though they don’t like to receive any kind of credit. So yes for all those people wondering you’re are correct! This post is about the dearest Angela Marie Pavilanis. Why? Because she is more than just a regular friend that everyone can just seek out. She is such a good friend friend that she is the best of friends. She listens and talks to you in the most meaningful way.. showing that she cares. She acts as if she was my older sister. An older figure to look up too. To find someone like this is very rare. Especially with how people are these days or how they believe they are.

So what I’ve been meaning to say cause yes it is too long to text you. Thank you for being you, for being the person that I can trust with my life. Thank you for letting me confide in you, for being completely honest with me with everything. Thank you for telling me when I am wrong and beating me with the truth when it was needed. You are the very best friend that I have always wanted and yes I don’t say it to kiss ass lol. I mean every word of it simply because it is the truth.

Honestly my mind is like an endless novel and you know how I am when I get deep in my thoughts. This could be a lot longer and a lot more detailed because yes you are worth much more than a post on Tumblr. Yes you mean a lot more to me than a post on Tumblr. You know this though I believe it. I know it’s something I say everyday so this is me telling you I love you. I love you for everything you are and do. You have helped shape me into the person I am today. Without you in my life I would have not forgotten the part of me that I did not want. The part that has been set aside. Without you I would not have learned how to forgive, trust, or gained remotely any happiness.

You may not believe you are the best but you are the best person to be my best friend/older sister. I believe we are inseparable. I will continue to believe this because I believe we have been put in each others lives for a reason. Things always happen for a reason. Our friendship is a blessing. I couldn’t be more thankful for you. Yes I just sat here and typed this all out. I hope you get to see this soon. 

 I’ve found so much happiness within myself. Included everyone that had brought me happiness and I’ve never been so happy. I realize it is important to be yourself because only being yourself will keep you sane. Trying to be someone else or be someone that everyone wants you to be will only drive you insane. Be yourself and magnify the traits that make you, you. When you find acceptance in yourself and where you are and drive forward.. Only there will you find true happiness.